Snap Chattin With “This Guy”

June 11th 2013

Let’s play a game.

WAIT.

There’s something you need to know about me first.

I…

I like to snapchat.

NO

I fuckin LOVE to snapchat.

What’s snapchat?

Alright let’s make this shit quick:

It’s an app where you can send random pics to your friends (and non friends).

BUT.

Only for 1-10 seconds.What happens after 1-10 seconds?

That shit disappears.

FOREVER.

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…Unless you SCREEN SHOT that bad boy.

Like me.

SO.

I created a game. With my snap chat buddy  list.

A game called “This guy”

“This guy” being a stick figure that makes unexpected, unwarranted appearances into our lives, ready to wreak havoc at any GODDAMN moment.

What do I mean? How does this work? Why do I keep asking questions that I assume you’re asking me as well?

Idk.

BUT…

Behold the following collection of screen shots. Screen shots of “This Guy” fucking shit up in my life and my friends’ lives… every GODDAMN day.

The (theoretical) story goes like this:

Thing is.

“This Guy” and I used to be pretty damn good friends.

Fuckin homies.

Fuckin homies.

 

We used to wine together. Dine together.

This guy made  GREAT CHOICE.

DELICIOUS CHOICE, GUY.

 

Fuckin vacationed together.

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Shotgun!

But…at some point. Things changed…HE…changed.

And it all started when “This guy” started hangin with the wrong crowd.

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These hoodlums 

 

And investing in shenanigans like this:

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And this:

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Straight up vandalizing shit.

My friend even found him sluttin it up at the local bus stop!

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I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE, GUY.

In denial, I tried to defend him to my amigos far and wide. Tell them that, he was…just going through a rough time. And he’d pull the through! This is just a phase, really…it is!

Their feedback was as follows:

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So I sent that bastard off to rehab.

Only to find out from the faculty and staff that he was pulling this bullshit:

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And this

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Olive you need to get down here, he’s taking advantage of our local cats!

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Now he’s trying to fly and shit

GODDAMNIT GUY

GODDAMNIT GUY

 

He’s had reoccurring incidences of snack stealin

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Asshole!

 

Even reported cases of stalking bitches

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Even riling up the other patients by talkin smack

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So finally I gave up.

Dragged his stick ass out of rehab

snap chat dragged away

And let him roam wild in the streets.

And what a mistake that was…

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Fed up with this obscene partying

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And unruly behavior

Idiot.

Idiot.

I decided to have an intervention with my dear friend, “guy”. Sit him the fuck down and get to the bottom of his recent shenanigans.

Tell him I was tired of his poor attitude:

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And how I missed the days when he used to call me

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Now he was just needy

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Racist

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And horny

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And after copious amount of booze, drugs and cotton candy

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Guy finally apologized.

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And unexpectedly transformed into a condom

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Naturally.

The End.

Shout out to Renee, Niki, Coco, Max and Nicole Detamble for their snap chat contributions. Episode 2 of “this guy” most likely coming to a blog post near you.