February 7th 2014
The internet is a weird place.
This blog absolutely being Exhibit A
But when I’m not typing out weird shit on here , other people are apparently…reading it.
…But not always the people I expect.
What do I mean?
What am I saying?
Here’s the thing:
I shared that shit with you guys, and due to the entertaining success of it I decided to make a part damn 2.
But just as a recap:
Every day I check the analytics behind this ridiculous blog. You know, just to see if shit’s running smoothly, people like my jokes (like my jokes). And very casually, to try to figure out who in the hell is stopping the fuck by.
Before you freak out.
I have no idea that you’re here right now.
Don’t know shit.
Whether you’re sitting at your desk doing “work”, cruisin to the kitchen in your PJS, or trying to look legit in public by being on your phone,
I don’t have a goddamn clue that you’re here right now.
But what I do know? Is that at the bottom
left hand corner of my analytics page?
I can see
What – people type into their search engines everyday that explains
How – some hoodlums get to my ludicrous website. And with this knowledge, I can take an interesting guess as to
Who – these unique, web surfin individuals really are.
After 7 months went by, I got curious and I ran the analytics again. So we could once again lol together at your fellow readers and my apparent….target audience.
Search Terms > All Time > Let’s Go
27 (More) Things You May Have Typed Into Your Search Engine…That For Whatever Reason Linked You To My Blog
(And what I have to say back to you…)
Can’t decide if I should be scared…or turned on. Maybe both.
Raptor on bicycle
The best kind of pie
Mitt Romney frown
Nothin but happy Mitt Romneys here
Asian sexy hoes
Think you were looking for my Family photo album. Shall fax you a copy shortly.
We got a dollar hey hey hey
Bill Cosby’s makeup
Sorry. Only have John Mayer’s headbands here
John Mayer’s headbands
There ya go
Just when I thought my college nickname had finally died…it didn’t
Megan Fox ass crack
My records show that you looked this up at 2:33 pm on a Tuesday. Mad respect.
im ugly! ugly1 ugly!
Showing results for man repellent
Desktop image shopping, I see
how to use “haha” texts
See provided chart
How funny I think you think I am based on your text laugh of choice
what’s 12:16 am in 24 hour time
Hellz yeah college degree
Inside swiffer pads
morning sexts to interest a man
A simple “Eatin toast and feelin weird #notindigestion” should do the trick
Showing results for afternoon delight
How will the rejector feel if rejected asked someone out
Distressed crab trees
Sounds like a personal problem. Assuming you’re a crab tree.
What to do with a boy you like at a sleepover
Make pancakes, talk about gettin hitched, definitely bring up your ex, give him the FYI you think showering is overrated
Wing Woman force-fucked
………what results you were trying yield here…I’m just…not…sure.
Lots to ask them. I don’t blame you.
what the fuck should I do at a sleepover?
homer simpson chloroform
…My favorite brand of choloform.
elephantitis craig is gay
Big year for Craig.
Now. Although you might be sittin there. Feeling ousted. And feeling paranoid. And being all like:
You have to understand. We’re friends now dammnit. Whether you did that shit on purpose or not. Our unexpected friendship is now officially a thing. SO keep bein weird on the internet. And I will too. It is, afterall, what brought us together in the first place.
Like this post and also can’t stop thinking about bagels? Cool. Share this batshit blog with your best bitches and bros. It’s just the right thing to do.