Relationship Advice: From Me & Not Me

December 23rd 2015

Relationship advice.

Sometimes we need it. Give it. Or straight up ask for it. And if anything,

It’s enticing to hear.

I did an odd thing recently.

Sifted through old journals to find out exactly where I was five years ago.

December 23, 2010

And this is what I saw:

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I had completely forgotten I did this.

Torn out this article on this day, folded it and wrote about it in my journal too.

Thing is.

A lot of my friends—guys and girls—were going through the painful motions of a break up and/or rough waters in their relationship.

And for whatever reason.

They wanted to talk to me.

Not because I was an expert.

Or had any substantial experiences.

 I mean, I was only 21 at the time.

But they needed advice.

From someone.

Anyone.

So they could rely on an opinion other than the biased and emotionally-charged ones they came up with themselves.

And mostly because.

It was enticing to hear.

Truth be told.

I was running out of things to say to them.

The same way I was running out of things to say to myself when I’d get into turmoil like this.

Nope.

It’s true.

 

And then I read an article that day called, “Have A Hotter & Happier Love Life” in the December/January 2010 issue of Self Magazine.

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Really?

 

 

 

It wasn’t really the title that got me. Mostly the answers that matched similar questions people had been asking me too.

Answers I wasn’t yet able to come up with.

So finding them felt good.

I took a pen and underlined things I wanted to remember—to tell someone later in case I ever came across the same questions again—whether it was me asking or someone else.

It was a weird entry to sTuMbLe upon as a 26 year old going on 27.

Only because I have a stronger point of view now.

But.

I bet if I read this article again, I’d underline the exact same things.

I copy and pasted most of them below, complete with a small snippet of agreeable answers I feel like I now have.

Just in case they help you, someone else or you just need something enticing to hear.

*Disclaimer: in this article, “marriage” can be switched out for “dating” and “girlfriend” for “boyfriend” where need be. If I think of anything more obvious to say, I’ll let you know.

Relationship Advice: From Me & Not Me

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Breakups are tough. They just are. They strike the highest and lowest part of your emotional chord all at the same time, which to me, is an incredible thing. It’s a true testament to how much you’ve let yourself feel for someone. It’s something to be proud of, and something you’re better for. But, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s tough. Whether the break up is temporary or permanent, a general goal of how to get through it is absolutely key. Didn’t check their social media site for an entire day? Reward that shit! Order takeout with everything on it because you damn did it! Went out with friends and allowed yourself to have fun? REWARD THAT SHIT with those concert tickets you’ve been pining over. Making a decently proactive effort to stay distracted? REWARD.THAT.SHIT. with a trip to see a close friend and keep the distractions and the good times goin. You’ll get there. And when you do, you’ll have good food, a great concert and an epic trip to show for it.

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Cheating is no bueno no matter which way you look at it. But even if there’s no cheating involved, temptation is a long-living vice in the relationship world. So what do you do about it? I’d say, zoom out for a quick second and really see the big picture of what you have and if you want it—continuously—and if that thought makes you feel happy or rather, feel stuck. If you find comfort and happiness in it, be a team and figure it out. If you feel stuck, then I have good news for you: it’s a completely solvable problem. Whether that’s rEjIgGeRiNg the relationship you currently have to getting back to where it used to be, or even walking away, it’s something that is possible, can be done and will be done if you’ll let it.

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It’s one the most comfortable things in the world to immerse yourself into one facet and person in life. But, if you really think about it, no matter where you are in life or what happens, no matter what, you will always 100% start and end a day with yourself. So who better to take care than the one person you’re guaranteed to hang out with every day? If friends are a big part of what you love. Make time for them. If it’s art, music or cooking. Make time for it. If it’s going on a quick run. Make time for it. Maybe you won’t have as much time as you used to, but maybe just a dose, even just a half hour phone call to a friend, a twenty minute run in the park or trying out a new recipe every day is all you really need. It’s the perfect way to keep your happiness at the top of your habit list.

 

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There’s a big difference between wanting a wedding and wanting to know if the person you’re with wants to be with you long-term (vice versa).

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up your ideals, desires and intentions should always be the first of the two conversations. It’ll solidify the security and certainty you have when the wedding conversation arises.

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I have the upmost respect for independent people. It’s a character trait I’ve always strived to take care and have on hand. And I’m happy to say that both in and out of a relationship, I’ve still felt the exact same way. I think one of the biggest misconceptions out there is that committing yourself to someone else means committing yourself                 away from yourself and the things you love.

And sure, sometimes it turns out that way.

But being that way is a choice

Not a symptom.

There’s a 100% guarantee that you can still make time to do the things you dig. Your calendar is still your calendar, your friends are still your friends, and a relationship is just an opportunity to make all of those things feel even more awesome.

Relationships, the good ones at least, aren’t written about, filmed or glorified because they take away from those things, but rather because they enhance them or make you appreciate the time you do get to spend doing them all the more.

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