October 27th, 2012
So Halloween used to be cute
And then it got weird
And then I became some sort of variation of an adult and was all like
Oh shit, a Halloween party? Costumes mandatory? Yeah I’m not going. What? Free booze and candy?…Oh okay I’ll just put this on.
Anyway, now I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but an old nemesis of mine who goes by the name of Sandy, recently decided to pay me a visit in NYC (in hurricane format), thus making quite the mess on her way in and on her way out in attempts to ruin Halloween for the whole lot of us. But,
No cigar, Sandy. I had a blast.
3 days beforehand.
But only because you decided to be all angry and shit on the actual Holiday itself.
(Side note- The East Coast was greatly affected by this unexpected tragedy, if you feel inclined to donate, please do so here! Donate here!)
There we were. The saturday before Halloween.
Kate Middleton, Casual Bunny, and I
Ready to embark on the night dressed in makeshift costumes and hilarious encounters…which, let’s be honest, is only but standard protocol for any weekend of mine, ammirite? We were extended an exclusive invite to a semi-private get together and strictly ordered to arrive on the corner of 28th street and 7th ave…and knock on the 3rd door to our immediate right…
The door s l o w l y opened revealing a man on the opposite side. He told us to step in and guided us to this inviting…freight elevator laying dead ahead.
II Pause II
Riddle me this.
…WHY can’t I ever just ride in a normal ass elevator. Flashbacks to Bob. FLASHBACKS TO BOB.
Back to the story.
The man pulled the chain door shut and pressed his finger against button 6 and
We had arrived.
The man pulled the chain door back and we walked into this:
After greeting an onslaught our fellow party-goers, the 3 of us shuffled over >> to the drink table, participated in some Halloween banter with the bartender dressed as a duck, ran into a cat with his head through a piece of toast
And humored fellow replacement refs by autographing his ball (per his request)
And while we continued to enjoy throwback jamz and homemade jello shots, my beloved blackberry informed me that the very friend who asked me to meet up the night I was trapped in the park…wanted to meet up once again…And so we left…
Now I hate to be anti-climatic, but I have to tell you, that contrary to my last journey to meet up with this friend, our commute this time went rather smoothly, and that the cab ride over was only filled with blurry moments that looked like this:
It wasn’t until we finally arrived at our second location that Casual Bunny and I realized Kate Middleton was only 8 jello shots, 2 cranberry vodkas and 1 1/2 beers deep…which made us also realize that my inaccurate assumption for a normal night out was way out the window…as was Kate Middleton’s on-the-go beverage.
Upon our arrival to a spectacular lower east side establishment also known as Penny Farthing, I was in a state of pure obliviousness snapping pics with ridiculous characters such as a man who described his outfit as “a midget…being held by a man” that looked like this…
And it wasn’t until 8 swats later that I realized.
1. This…probably wasn’t going to work out
2. She was gone.
“Has anyone seen my friend Nicole? “
“Oh the crazy girl in the blue dress and the British Flag? No dude I don’t see her any- wait…I think I…”
“Do you see her?!”
“I could be wrong but…I keep seeing flashes of blue in that herd of Ghost Busters over there…I think…maybe.”
Casual bunny and I took off. >>
Bound and determined to rescue our dear friend Nicole from a sea of ghost busters in the far corner of the bar (yet another…rare…dilemma) that looked like this:
We called for Nicole. She was unresponsive to her real name…but answered to her royal name…immediately…
She glanced over at us and smiled.
Unaware of the creepy clown that was lingering ever so closely behind…
We finally managed to pull Kate Middleton away from the madness and sit her the fuck down. She told us that she felt it was time to leave but she felt uncomfortable making any decisions without her special…hat…
“What the…special hat? What are you talking about?”
She looked down with guilt and told us that she had stolen it as of recently, but not to worry, it was a decision-making hat. Here for all of our decision-making needs. And alas! The whereabouts of our next location would be revealed in due time.
Casual bunny and I looked at each other, perplexed and intrigued by this forbidden accessory. We requested she showcase it for us. Which she did:
…I like where this going…
Keep that hat forever.
Now for all of you who don’t know what Pomme Frites is.
I forgive you for your sin.
And I will only say these 2 things:
Belgian fries. 26 sauces.
I’d like to tell you we walked there.
I’d even like to tell you we jogged.
But I’ll go ahead and just say it..
We ran as fast as the 8th alternate to the 1972 Olympics best friend’s mom.
And when we arrived?
There was a god forsaking line. But no matter. Kate Middleton occupied herself with another…fry…during our lengthy wait. And it wasn’t until I took a closer gander at these photos that we snapped with local bystanders that I realized just how literal that statement was…
Now after profusely apologizing to the gentleman in front of us after appropriately naming this evening Happy Hallo- peen followed by us awkwardly waiting another 20 minutes behind him as we impatiently waited for our Pomme Frites, we ordered not the Regular….not the Large…But the Double…order. And proceeded to peace the fuck out. Reminiscing on our way home about the unruly characters we met on this Halloween night including:
1. Cat in toast
2. Man holding midget
3. And the Ghost Busters
Hope everyone had a Happy Hallo-peen. I know we did
…As did the guy standing in front of us at Pomme Frites…