August 27th 2013
Men. You too.
We’ve got some catching up to do.
All of us.
About some vital shit.
When we all know.
That simply isn’t true.
And what I mean is this:
7 Reasons It Kicks Serious ASS To Be A Woman
1. Instant Hottness.
Long night out?
10 beers in?
Major case of the pizza face?
A skin tone so pale it makes you look quite similar to this when you hit the public scene with your friends?
SUCKS FOR YOU (men)
You see. No such dilemma resonates in the womanly world.
Well captain skeptical.
Let’s say you’re a decently attractive individual. A 6 or so? And maybe the night before you had a little to drink.
And then the next morning you’re lookin a little like a 3…
Three coats of mascara, a spray tan and one epic shower later:
And then you’re just over there kind of helpless like:
2. NO (discount) MOVIE SNACKS LEFT BEHIND
We bitches get the underrated advantage of carrying around our nonsense EVERYWHERE.
Which really means.
AS MANY SNACKS, DEODERANT AND CHUHUAHUAS AS WE DEEM NECESSARY.
Going to the movies?
Poppin those kernels at my GODDAMN HOUSE.
Buying at soda – at the local WAL GREENS.
And packing those treats up for a pre-game of discount snackery.
ALL GODDAMN NIGHT.
I dare ANY man to fit all of those necessities in his cargo pockets.
And we’re sittin here all fed and wallet happy like:
3. We Smell Better.
Disagree with that.
4. We Rule The Bar Scene.
Girl: Want to get a drink at an overcrowded bar? Wink at the bartender and shake those GOD-GIVEN breasts to help expedite the process.
Guy: Wink at the bartender and whip out your dick?
And suddenly we’re over in the corner of the bar all drunk and happy like:
And you’re on the other side of the bar getting all confessional like:
Bored and looking for an instant turn on for a hott human nearby?
Grab a girlfriend.
Also get schwasted.
Attempt the same tactic.
6. Size Don’t Matta Here.
WORD TO YA MOTHA
Literally. For she is partially responsible for the wealth of your prepackaged goods.
Sure we ladies posses breastasizas that range from
But like. Even though guys claim to only like the big totties.
Even when there’s small ones involved…
But let’s say you’re a chick.
And you meet this dude.
And you like his face.
…And you want to like other things too.
So you depants him with (mild) respect.
And then suddenly you see it and you have one of the following reactions:
And rest-assured one of those 3 reactions will be tucked in our back pockets and ready to be discussed at lady brunch the next morning.
7. Immediate Ass.
Unless you’re frolicking in a fan-freakin tastic relationship or have a friend on the side who’s always up for a midnight jingle. Single men and women at large, share very different discrepancies on the action scale.
Men = Trying to get it. Always.
And women are like:
Women = Tossing around the idea of getting it and breathe in the general direction of a man like
And suddenly every penis near and far is like:
And we’re just over here like:
And there you have it. 7 highlights involving the pure badassery of being a woman. We’ll just be over here sippin on our free drinks and purchasing discount snow caps with our world-wide accepted breasts whilst watching you attempt to do the same.