March 7th 2014
Give it up.
It’s lent. It’s like a thing.
As for me? I’m not giving up a damn thing. I hate discipline. I’m fuckin terrible at it.
Because quite frankly:
But you might be. Giving things up, I mean.
I respect the idea of lent. I do.
You sacrifice shit for 40 days.
Experience promise. Self-control. An intense break up with donuts.
But some of us are straight awful at it.
…And I’m pretty sure I know why.
Olive and Nicole present:
7 Things We Try To Give Up For Lent But Just Like…Can’t
So maybe you’re going on a cleanse. Want to be healthier. Or potentially trying to be more responsible and forget about the times that you were like:
And then like:
But mark my damn words.
One semi-interesting invite.
ONE birthday party celebration.
Just ONE instance of a partially convincing a friend who’s all like:
And you bet your bottom dollar I’ll find you cruisin around 30 quick seconds later like:
And when I get real with you and call you out on your shit. Our conversation will most definitely be like:
Which will basically result in us both being like:
That habit? Isn’t going anywhere soon.
Kind of like this guy.
2. Being A “Good Person”
Tabitha said it all.
Listen. You’re a good person. Or at the very least, a decent one.
BUT DON’T ACT LIKE.
One too many shots.
Or JUST ONE INSTANCE where I eat your whole pizza pie.
That you might not freak the fuck out kind sort of like:
Listen. Don’t be a “good person” for 40 days. Be a good person EVERY DAY. Cut the gossip—always. Volunteer—sometimes. And make an effort with your friends and fam regularly because that shit’s NORMAL.
3. Being Less Lazy
Does this look fun to you?
Does this look fun to you:
4. Cursing less
Don’t be an asshole.
Or at least don’t say it.
I think you can do this. I really think you can.
Unless of course someone asks you a really average and mild question and you’re instinctually like:
5. Giving Up Sweets/Carbs/Meat
This is dangerous territory my friend. Where you won’t eat sweets. You’re gonna stack up on carbs.
Where you don’t eat carbs you’re gonna go apeshit on some serious chocolate.
And where you don’t eat meat you’re gonna go loco on the goddamn two.
Kudos to everyone who can withstand the intense disappointment of every group dinner near and far, where everyone ordered cheese fries drizzled in hot fuckin chocolate and sprinkled with extra-crispy bacon—except for you. And when the waiter comes around handing out entrees, he’ll give a plate of heaven to everyone minus:
Shit well get desperate.
And shit will get weird.
So much so that when I give you a ring-a-ling one evening and say I’ve got a foot long (nothing weird) in my hand, and you’ll for sure be like:
And alas, I’ll invite you over and feed your worthwhile kryptonite like:
6. Peacing Out of Social Media
Never mind the F.O.M.O that goes on with this wildly-brave decision (and for those of you who are unfamiliar with this acronym – Fear. Of. Missing. Out.)
I’m just simply warning you for the infinite:
OMG DID YOU SEE THAT PICTURE?!
HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT STATUS?
DID YOU GET THAT INVITE TO THAT THING WITH THAT PERSON?
No. You didn’t. Because apparently
Except that you’re here right now so like.
7. Giving Up This Blog
And there you have it. 7 sensical yet seemingly impossible thangs to give up for lent that will very much make you a goddamn champion if you succeed.
…And if you don’t?
You can just come over here and hang out with me and Toby like:
Like this post and also wondering where Brandon Frasier is? Cool. Me too. Like my page here and lez talk about it. I’ll also send you funny memes. Lots of good things involved. Do it. Do it now.