August 31st 2015
School is officially BACK IN SESSION YA’LL.
Not for us.
Because we’re grown ass adults.
Doing grown ass things.
Like grocery shop:
And typing professional shit:
And gradually slow fading away from peeps we just don’t want to damn hang out with anymore:
But as buckwild and crazy as these adulty type things may be.
We kinda miss it.
The college days, that is.
Wish we were the ones sporting a lanyard and an on-trend backpack this fall.
And heading towards >> a 4 year utopia involving partying with people that break it down like:
And chanting the same thing every night after ample 90 cent beers at the bars like:
We likely can’t do that.
Not without panicking the on-campus kiddies with our outdated ways:
We can do these 6 things.
To ease our nostalgic ways.
Let me explain:
6 Ways To Ease Your College Nostalgia
1. Eat mac and cheese for every meal
Here’s my argument:
Budget friendly. Tastes like magic. And perfect if you’re in the mood to “spoon.”
2. Grind on strangers under the assumption they like it
Do like the college boys do and perform the ill-advised “wander up to an innocent and inflict thrusts that would make your mother less than proud” move:
3. Use the library as a legitimate reason to get out of things you don’t want to do
Invited to a sober evening of just scrabble and sea salt chips?
Judy in accounting’s after work baby/bridal bash?
Told your friend you’d babysit her ferocious feline cat that lacks any semblance of a soul?
4. Incessantly talk about your study abroad experience
People love it.
To be that well-traveled expert that inserts their two cents about Barcelona, Florence or your “experimental time in Amsterdam” for that substantial 3 month period.
Never stop doing that.
All sarcasm aside.
Book a trip back to wherever it is you used to wander in your yesteryears.
You’ll be wiser. Richer. And getting paid while you damn do it. #vacationdayz
5. Wear cargo shorts and assume you look good
And also because
6. Call your fricken college friends
Dial up those bad boys/girls and have a long ass chatski about the good ‘ol days. The cargos. The tube tops. That one instance that your best friend shit themselves at a frat party. The time that that one guy was dared to throw guac on the other guy and then that other guy smashed the bowl of guac on the original guy’s head whilst empathetic bystanders applauded and ran away:
It’s a perfect use of free cell phone minutes and an easy way to relieve your college-day blues.
And that’s it.
I guess that’s all I really had to say.