5 Ways To Handle Life After A 3 Day Weekend

September 2nd 2014

How could this happen.

One minute I’m reveling in the throws of Las fricken Vegas (being admittedly inebriated) and scandalously taking advantage of…


doritos 5

You had me at “Salsa Verde.”


Call me.

First base here we come. 


Can't tame us.

Things got dirty.


Just the three of us.

Happy endings.


Making lifelong friendships with complete strangers who absolutely photo bombed a great memory in the making:

Prom 2014.

Accidental prom of 2014.


Laughing at my friends’ faces to give them extra validation on a good joke.

A snapped, filtered and uploaded photo to remind you that I enjoyed that joke.

A snapped, filtered and uploaded photo to remind you that I still enjoyed that joke. 


Trolling casinos and making faces only a mother could love.

Hey mom.

Pushing the threshold of my mother’s love since 1989.


And every once in a while keeping our damn cool.



And the next I know I’m sitting on a plane.

Then a taxi.

Then at home.

And eventually en route >>> to a place that demands goddamn coherence and compensated responsibility.

Quick touch base about how I feel about that.

Quick touch base about how I feel about that.

But I’m not the only one.

You are too.

Because you, my friend, are a weekending CHAMPION who has the goddamn right to know:

The 5 Ways To Handle Life After A 3 Day Weekend

1. Denial

You say conference call. I say:

nope cat

You say paperwork I say:



You say mediocre sandwich for lunch that’s wildly subpar to the epic snacks I had just one day before, I say:



Deny. Deny. And deny again, my friend. And while you’re at it:

2. Make Hasty Plans

Call the crew.

Options are endless.

The essentials.



Because a sure-fire way to cure your long-weekend hangover?

Is to do the whole damn thing all over again.

Because Jesus tap-dancing Christ.

Prematurely planning a good time in the near(ish) future is just NOT too much to ask.

A simple request.

A simple request.


And also.

Hasty planning is a close friend of denial, inducing such behavior like jump starting reunions that keep the goddamn friendships and spirit of the weekend indefinitely alive.

…Even if the rest of the gang is not sure they want it yet.

It's good to be back.

They want it.


3. Snack Relentlessly

Get up.

 Get a hearty breakfast sandwich. And make it your bitch.

My main bitches.

Get over here. 


Go to the fridge. Steal your co-workers lunch. And make it your bitch.




Go to dinner. Get the combo deal. And.make.it.your.bitch.

Excellent work.

Bitch making = currently in progress

Thing is.

You’ve been through a lot.

All that sleeping. Relaxing. Snacking. Partying. Bonding.


And to that? I say:


Damn straight.

Because you deserve that shit. And you deserve it NOW.


4. Don’t Move On



Never. Move on.

Scroll through every picture. Post them to every social media outlet. Abuse that group thread. Kill every joke. Force your stories upon people who don’t want to hear them. Change up your profile picture to an updated one that better signifies to the masses how much fucking fun you really had. Post shit on instagram and compose captions like

 “Until next time (insert place here)”

Or like.

“Good times with good people”

Or like:

“A weekend to remember.”

Or my personal favorite:

Fair enough.

Fair enough.  

And now that you’ve completed the necessary steps that are 1-4.

Cap off this full-proof plan and simply:

5. Repeat



And there you have it. The 5 ways to post-game the weekend…complete with a dancing crustacean that looks like this: