September 2nd 2014
How could this happen.
One minute I’m reveling in the throws of Las fricken Vegas (being admittedly inebriated) and scandalously taking advantage of…
Making lifelong friendships with complete strangers who absolutely photo bombed a great memory in the making:
Laughing at my friends’ faces to give them extra validation on a good joke.
Trolling casinos and making faces only a mother could love.
And every once in a while keeping our damn cool.
And the next I know I’m sitting on a plane.
Then a taxi.
Then at home.
And eventually en route >>> to a place that demands goddamn coherence and compensated responsibility.
But I’m not the only one.
You are too.
Because you, my friend, are a weekending CHAMPION who has the goddamn right to know:
The 5 Ways To Handle Life After A 3 Day Weekend
You say conference call. I say:
You say paperwork I say:
You say mediocre sandwich for lunch that’s wildly subpar to the epic snacks I had just one day before, I say:
Deny. Deny. And deny again, my friend. And while you’re at it:
2. Make Hasty Plans
Call the crew.
Because a sure-fire way to cure your long-weekend hangover?
Is to do the whole damn thing all over again.
Because Jesus tap-dancing Christ.
Prematurely planning a good time in the near(ish) future is just NOT too much to ask.
Hasty planning is a close friend of denial, inducing such behavior like jump starting reunions that keep the goddamn friendships and spirit of the weekend indefinitely alive.
…Even if the rest of the gang is not sure they want it yet.
3. Snack Relentlessly
Get a hearty breakfast sandwich. And make it your bitch.
Go to the fridge. Steal your co-workers lunch. And make it your bitch.
Go to dinner. Get the combo deal. And.make.it.your.bitch.
You’ve been through a lot.
All that sleeping. Relaxing. Snacking. Partying. Bonding.
– – – – – – – ALL ABRUPTLY CUT OFF BY THIS THING CALLED LIFE? – – – – – – –
And to that? I say:
Because you deserve that shit. And you deserve it NOW.
4. Don’t Move On
Never. Move on.
Scroll through every picture. Post them to every social media outlet. Abuse that group thread. Kill every joke. Force your stories upon people who don’t want to hear them. Change up your profile picture to an updated one that better signifies to the masses how much fucking fun you really had. Post shit on instagram and compose captions like
“Until next time (insert place here)”
“Good times with good people”
“A weekend to remember.”
Or my personal favorite:
And now that you’ve completed the necessary steps that are 1-4.
Cap off this full-proof plan and simply:
And there you have it. The 5 ways to post-game the weekend…complete with a dancing crustacean that looks like this: