4 Things You Shouldn’t Forget On The 4th Of July

July 4th 2014

Happy Birthday America

Sorry I went rogue at your party that one year.

 That’s (sort of) why I decided to make a list of semi-responsible things for my batshit friends and I to abide by this year so we can celebrate your day with some (seriously considered) class.


4 Vital Things You Shouldn’t Forget On The 4Th Of July

1.Fireworks Make Great (Long Distance) Friends

Indeed, these entertaining sonsofbitches are ridiculously good-looking and sparkle in the night’s sky.


Get up close and way too personal with these hot shots and what might seem like a good idea at the time:

What you're thinking right now.

Your idea right now.

Is just going to leave you heart-broken and burned in the end:

Truth or dare got a little heated...

Truth or dare got a little heated…

So take your sparks elsewhere this holiday:

Tim was finally able to feel true hoppiness.

Tim. Finally able to feel true hoppiness. Tim.

And just enjoy the fuckin view:




2. Richard Fuckin Lee

richard lee

This bro.


Strollin through America like the champion he was, yelling random shit like




Throwing down the grand idea that America should be motherfucking free

freedom gif

What Mel said.


So cheers to Richard.

To Dick!

To Dick!


And his America-freeing ways. Because thanks to this maverick, we’ve had countless vacation days, booze-filled benders and one hell of a place to call home

matt damon gif

An accurate summary.

3. High-Spirited Gear

Fresh out of patriotic party pieces to slam together for this explosive occasion?


For I am a certified fashionista working in the fashion industry in New York City and have conveniently wrangled a few last minute options—just for you. Not only are these selections sure to people-please, but they’ll prove to be timeless investments that will look red, white and AWESOME for many a 4th of Julio to come.

Because all you really have to do is accessorize:

Quick fix.

Quick fix.


Stay consistent:

Family fierce

Family fierce


Mix & Match:

Pizza & Cats = A flawless combo

Pizza + Cat = A flawless combo


And never ever forget that less is more:

We are.

That we are.



4. Snacking Is Not An Option

Do: Snack

Don’t: be that buzzkill hovering over the buffet table saying super wompy things like:

The amount of people who care: 0

Womp alert.


Look at this chocolate. LOOK AT IT.

Looks like you're havin fun.

Looks like you’re havin fun over there.

Because while you’re lookin, the rest of the country will be eating in true American style like:

Happy Birthday America.

Happy Birthday America.

And once you re-realize the glory that is carbs and sauce. You, my friend, will be too.

Hottie in the house.

Hottie in the house.

And there you have it. The 4 basic ingredients that will keep you alive, happy and anything but hungry on this god-blessed day of the year.