July 4th 2014
Happy Birthday America
That’s (sort of) why I decided to make a list of semi-responsible things for my batshit friends and I to abide by this year so we can celebrate your day with some (seriously considered) class.
4 Vital Things You Shouldn’t Forget On The 4Th Of July
1.Fireworks Make Great (Long Distance) Friends
Indeed, these entertaining sonsofbitches are ridiculously good-looking and sparkle in the night’s sky.
Get up close and way too personal with these hot shots and what might seem like a good idea at the time:
Is just going to leave you heart-broken and burned in the end:
So take your sparks elsewhere this holiday:
And just enjoy the fuckin view:
2. Richard Fuckin Lee
Strollin through America like the champion he was, yelling random shit like
Throwing down the grand idea that America should be motherfucking free
So cheers to Richard.
And his America-freeing ways. Because thanks to this maverick, we’ve had countless vacation days, booze-filled benders and one hell of a place to call home
3. High-Spirited Gear
Fresh out of patriotic party pieces to slam together for this explosive occasion?
For I am a certified fashionista working in the fashion industry in New York City and have conveniently wrangled a few last minute options—just for you. Not only are these selections sure to people-please, but they’ll prove to be timeless investments that will look red, white and AWESOME for many a 4th of Julio to come.
Because all you really have to do is accessorize:
Mix & Match:
And never ever forget that less is more:
4. Snacking Is Not An Option
Don’t: be that buzzkill hovering over the buffet table saying super wompy things like:
Look at this chocolate. LOOK AT IT.
Because while you’re lookin, the rest of the country will be eating in true American style like:
And once you re-realize the glory that is carbs and sauce. You, my friend, will be too.
And there you have it. The 4 basic ingredients that will keep you alive, happy and anything but hungry on this god-blessed day of the year.