12 Winning Gift Ideas For Her

December 21st 2013

Oops you did it again.

 There’s 4 days until Christmas.

 And you still haven’t gotten her a goddamn thing.

 You knew this was going to happen.

 And I did too.

 Which is why I made you a last-minute list.

 While you’re sitting there in your underwear. And freakin the fuck out.

So much emotion right now.

So much emotion happening right now.


Let the gifting games….


12 Gift Ideas For Her That Will Make You Look Awesome

1. Shiny Shit

 You’re not surprised by this.

You right now (With maybe a better hairline.)

You’re lack of shock right now (With maybe a better hairline.)


That’s right.

 Ain’t NEVER been a woman who’s gotten something shiny and nice from a man she digs and been like

None of that.

Fuck that.


Go anywhere from Claires-Tiffany’s – (this is a test) and


Do this.

Do this.

Because about 3 seconds after the grand reveal she’ll be all like

Hey thanks.

Hey thanks.


And afterwards you guys can cuddle and talk about deep shit on the couch like:

Glad we got to catch up.

Glad we got to catch up.

2. Substitute Cuddler

Listen to me.

 Cuddling can be really fucking great.

And usually mutual...

My god this is so fun.


But sometimes it feels like a goddamn chore!


#deadarm #hairinface #cantmove #trapped

 So what’s a guy to do when his lady friend wants to fuckin canoodle and the game is on? You can’t be around? Or you’d just like to have feeling in both of your arms for goddamn once?!

Look at all that freedom.

Look at all that freedom.

Buy her a puppy.

 Maybe a cat.

 Contemplate a stuffed animal.

 And if shit gets desperate:


Quick fix.

3. Date Idea


 You’re gonna take her on a date anyway.

 Save some money. Up the creativity. And gain some serious respect while you make that shit a twofer.

 Who’s the real winner here?


You are.

Some pre-mocked up date ideas can be found here.

4. Concert tickets


 Let me break this down for you.

 People who like music: EVERYONE.

 People who would love concert tickets to see their favorite band jam the fuck out like this:




Go on ticketmaster.

 Sell your soul.


 Just get your favorite bitch a great gift for 2 so you can take karaoking and overpriced booze to a


He gets it.

He gets it. 

5. A Nice Coat

She wants it.

 And she wants it bad.

 A nice big


  That will keep her nice and warm for many moderately intense social media snow season ahead


It’s like giving her a really long hug.

 Without having to actually give a hug.

 And that, my friend.

 Is badass.

6. Get all crafty

 On a budget?

 Forgot a gift?

 Just feeling extra special?


 Here’s a few DIY gift idea for her that will show her you care, while showing your bank account that you care too.





Fuckin fortune cookies:

 Screen Shot 2013-12-20 at 11.56.38 PM

Sentimental pillow:

Screen Shot 2013-12-21 at 12.05.19 AM

Or let her frame your face in style:

Screen Shot 2013-12-21 at 12.08.40 AM

7. Write her a song

Because bitches love songs:

As does this puppy.

And so does this puppy.

8. Gag gift

 Calling all weirdos.

What'd you call me?

What’d you call me?


You heard me.

 Some romances are sweet and cuddly.




But maybe you’re the kind of couple that’s like:


So what’s a bro to do?

 Gag her.

With a gift.


Screen Shot 2013-12-20 at 9.57.30 PM


Screen Shot 2013-12-20 at 10.04.36 PM

Or like:

Screen Shot 2013-12-20 at 10.08.00 PM

 It’ll be all inside-jokey and be funny for many gatherings and dance parties to come #giantunderweardanceoff

9. Spa day

So sometimes she stresses out:

Classic Thursdays.

Classic Thursdays.


And sometimes she says rude shit:


Slightly insensitive Paula.


So why not send that bitch away?

 To the spa I mean.

 One massage – weird jujitsu shit and a plush robe and cushioned flip-flops later and she’ll come back feelin funky fresh:

(And most likely not looking like Nicholas Cage)

(And probably not looking like Nicholas Cage)


And real happy that her man thing knows how to fuckin gift.

10. Get Educational

 And adorable.

 With a class.

 Don’t think too hard.

 I’ll do it for you.

 Whip out your laptop/iPad/Cell phone/device you’re reading this nonsense on and

t-y-p-e       i-n

 Shit you think she’d dig.


A cooking class:



A dancing class:


Or even driving lessons…:


Oh yeah.

 Because school really can be cool.

 (At least it better fucking be this close to the big show.)

11. Seasons of her favorite show

 Fantastic news.

 You’re not the only one who makes her laugh and cry

Not your bad (All the time)

Not your bad (All the time)

That’s right.

 It’s those goddamn shows she’s watches.



New girl:


And my personal favorite – Biggest Loser

Straight to the soul.

Straight to the soul.

Buy that shit in bulk and tie it in a bow.

 She won’t be mad.

 In fact. She’ll probably be like:

You're welcome.

You’re welcome.

12. Obey Mariah Carey

Obey her.

You heard the lady. Just show the fuck up and be extra awesome. Throw a bow on your head if you’re feeling particularly festive.

 Your chick likes your face for a reason.

 And SO. DO. I. (Nothing weird.)

(And if  all else fails…stalk Pinterest)

 (Find the last minute guy gifts list here )

 Happy Holidays, My Favorite Lazy Asses