13 Excellent Gifts Ideas For Him

December 15th 2013

This is a problem.

 It’s 10 days until the big show and you haven’t gotten him a goddamn thing!

 But hey.

 Don’t panic.

Okay what did I JUST say.

Okay what did I literally just say.

I got you.

 In 13 different ways (nothing weird)

 Allow me to give you:

13 Kickass (Last minute) Gift Ideas For Him

1. Some Serious Bling

Things I’m not referring to. This:

If this is a legitimate purchase your man thing would enjoy. I think gift giving is the least of your dilemmas right nah.

If this is a legitimate purchase your man thing would enjoy. I think gift giving is the least of your concerns.


 I’m not chatting about the gold-painted industrial chains swinging infamously in every Snoop Lion video from 2001 and beyond — (although the advertising is temping.)

Yeah I'll take 3.

Yeah I’ll take 8 grills and 1 monogrammed necklace with nonsense on it.


I was actually referring to what I like to call – “Gentleman’s bling.”


A nice watch.

This gift is unidentified Asian man approved.

This gift is unidentified Asian man approved.


Great selections of this kickass gift  can be found with trusted brands like:


Screen Shot 2013-12-13 at 12.46.48 AM





Screen Shot 2013-12-13 at 12.50.09 AM


It’s a great gift to keep him on time and only shiny enough to be a mild distraction.


2. Scandalous Shit

This suggestion is Jim approved.

This suggestion is Jim approved.


That’s right.

Break off the tag on that impulse 2009 Victoria Secret buy and regift that shit with sparkly EASE.

You're a natural.

By god, you’re a natural.


This quick trick is the perfect gift that never stops giving (and same might go for him…) and if you play your cards right (and other things right too…) it could very well end in a gift for all.


 Lace up. Dress down. And for christs sake. Practice a little.

Sally tried to wing it. Sally.

Sally tried to wing it. Sally.

3. Anti-Movember Gifts


Movember is over.

Say it isn't so...

Say it isn’t so.


Nothing screams “HAPPY HOLIDAYS HONEY!” quite like giving him the gift of NOT being the doppelgänger for Hitler meets suburban serial killer.

Your boyfriend right now.

Your boyfriend right now.


If that’s not winning.

 I’m not sure what is.

 Except maybe this:

Russian grandma doesn't give a FUCK.

Russian grandma doesn’t give a FUCK.


Might I suggest the high-quality “Art Of Shaving kit” ready to turn your rugged gentleman into a clean-cut HOTTIE with just one damn shave?!


You’re welcome.

4. Tickets to a game

Things guys love: Sports, boobs and booze.

This message is Stanley approved.

Damn straight.


So why not gift the whole fucking trio with goddamn star power with tickets to his favorite game?!

That way he can cheer on like the supportive animal that he is:





While enjoying the show


He’s not mad.


And getting sloppy as fuck:

He's head over heels for you.

He’s head over heels for you.


All at the same damn time.

Can I get a hell yeah?!



5. Concert tickets

A distant relative of the sports ticket, the concert ticket is perfect gift for the guy who appreciates the art of jamming the fuck out.

Look at all that appreciation.

Look at all that appreciation. (wait for it)


Do some research.

 Get tickets for 2. Or 3. #bringme.

 And pretty soon you’ll be singing karaoke in a romantic mosh pit with a sticker that says “World’s most kickass person” on your chest.




6. Fancy gadgets


What’s better than a boyfriend?


 What else?

One who knows how to fix everything topless with exponential charm.

"You rang?"

You rang?

What’s better than THAT?

  One that knows how to manhandle your…relationship…in a tech savvy ways.



Indeed back in the olden days wearing a loin cloth or simply shooting a telegram via horse was quite simply enough.

Once a hott commodity. (Maybe even still depending on what you're into)

Once a hott commodity. (Maybe even still depending on what you’re into…)


But alas, these days we’ve got “i” fuckin everything ready amp up his texting, reading, music listening, movie watching, candy crush playing, sexting, snap chatting, Ultimate fighter GAME.

 Plus it’s like a modern day pacifier — for him. Hanging out and done with the talking?

Insert iphone/video game/iPad here.

Quick fix.

Quick fix.


 Just don’t tell Uncle Pete


Drama queen.

7. Sentimental shiza

 Keep your cool.

 Sure sentimal shiza is theoretically adorable as fuck. And most times – it really is.


 For your sake and for theirs, Imma draw a line really quick

This is happening.


 Because there’s a necessary border between “I like your face.” And “Loonesville.”

 Scrap books? I like it.

Well thought out date night? You romantic sonofabitch.

A blown up picture of your face captioned creepily like:






If you’ve already in the making of one the project…I’d reconsider. And if not, he might be reconsidering real soon.


Yeahhh let's not.

Yeahhh let’s not.



8. Get all crafty

 Martha Stewart called. And she wants her CLASS (and taxes) BACK.

Martha - I'm gonna need women back up here.

Martha – I’m gonna need you to back me up here.


That’s right. You’re on a budget. But that doesn’t mean shit. WHY? Because you’re a crafty mother trucker whose homemade gifts will be unique as shit. Can’t be replicated. And delightful as fuck.

Oh my god so delightful.

Oh my god so delightful.


Some ideas include:

 Rubs of the states BBQ set


 Gourmet cheese and popcorn set:Handmade_Gifts_for_men_02



See how to get these crafty motherfuckers here.

 Because I sure as hell couldn’t tell you how to do it.

9. Gag gift

 So if you think romance and sentiment is dumb. Then that’s kind of sad. And you should eat a bagel.


Do it.


But I get it.

Some gag gifts are a good placeholder if you’re in that “oh shit. We’ve been dating for like…3 days. What in the hell am I supposed to get this person.”

Or like “I think I like you but I’m gonna show you how funny I am first by getting you this hilarious gift”

Or “Got stuck at the weird corner in urban outfitters with all the strange shit and impulse bought this for you. Sorry.”

Or maybe even for super important people that feel the side effects of your growing maturity.

(I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t buy my mom this for x-mas last year)

Thanks for college tuition and shelter mom...

Thanks for college tuition and the lifetime of shelter mom…

Other great gag gifts include:

 This Hillary Clinton nutcracker:


This desktop drum set:


 These ninja cookie cutters:


Get these and other weirdo gifts here.

10. Get classy

With a class.

This gift is timeless. Until Thursday at 7pm at least. #expired. Book him a day on his calendar and sign him up for something worthwhile and awesome. Like.



 Or better yet – Shark-diving.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

11. Pimp his ride

Guys like 2 things: Calzones and cars.

Damn straight.

Damn straight.


Take a hard right in your local hometown and skip the fuck into the neighborhood radio shack for some crazy car widgets that will make him feel like  a high roller from point A to point B.


HIgh rollin thanks to YOU.

HIgh rollin thanks to YOU Carla.


12. A manly travel bag



 And listen.

 There IS such a thing as a manly looking travel bag.  These things are functional as shit.

Laptops? – IN THE BAG

Wallet? – IN THE BAG

Work documents? – IN.THE.BAG

Gossip magazine he doesn’t want the public to see – IN THE FUCKIN BAG.

 Screen Shot 2013-12-15 at 12.46.16 PM

 The perfect pair to his tie, button down, and potentially new watch.


13. You.

My friend Mariah Carey gave me this speech once about how I was all she really needed for the Christmas.

I know.

I know.

And seeing as her wish as been exactly the same since 1994. I highly recommend this low-budge confidence boosting option.

 And he.will.TOO.