December 15th 2013
This is a problem.
It’s 10 days until the big show and you haven’t gotten him a goddamn thing!
I got you.
In 13 different ways (nothing weird)
Allow me to give you:
13 Kickass (Last minute) Gift Ideas For Him
1. Some Serious Bling
Things I’m not referring to. This:
YOU READ ME.
I’m not chatting about the gold-painted industrial chains swinging infamously in every Snoop Lion video from 2001 and beyond — (although the advertising is temping.)
I was actually referring to what I like to call – “Gentleman’s bling.”
A nice watch.
Great selections of this kickass gift can be found with trusted brands like:
It’s a great gift to keep him on time and only shiny enough to be a mild distraction.
Break off the tag on that impulse 2009 Victoria Secret buy and regift that shit with sparkly EASE.
This quick trick is the perfect gift that never stops giving (and same might go for him…) and if you play your cards right (and other things right too…) it could very well end in a gift for all.
Lace up. Dress down. And for christs sake. Practice a little.
3. Anti-Movember Gifts
Movember is over.
Nothing screams “HAPPY HOLIDAYS HONEY!” quite like giving him the gift of NOT being the doppelgänger for Hitler meets suburban serial killer.
If that’s not winning.
I’m not sure what is.
Except maybe this:
Might I suggest the high-quality “Art Of Shaving kit” ready to turn your rugged gentleman into a clean-cut HOTTIE with just one damn shave?!
4. Tickets to a game
Things guys love: Sports, boobs and booze.
So why not gift the whole fucking trio with goddamn star power with tickets to his favorite game?!
That way he can cheer on like the supportive animal that he is:
While enjoying the show
And getting sloppy as fuck:
All at the same damn time.
Can I get a hell yeah?!
5. Concert tickets
A distant relative of the sports ticket, the concert ticket is perfect gift for the guy who appreciates the art of jamming the fuck out.
Do some research.
Get tickets for 2. Or 3. #bringme.
And pretty soon you’ll be singing karaoke in a romantic mosh pit with a sticker that says “World’s most kickass person” on your chest.
6. Fancy gadgets
What’s better than a boyfriend?
One who knows how to fix everything topless with exponential charm.
What’s better than THAT?
One that knows how to manhandle your…relationship…in a tech savvy ways.
Indeed back in the olden days wearing a loin cloth or simply shooting a telegram via horse was quite simply enough.
Plus it’s like a modern day pacifier — for him. Hanging out and done with the talking?
Insert iphone/video game/iPad here.
Just don’t tell Uncle Pete
7. Sentimental shiza
Keep your cool.
Sure sentimal shiza is theoretically adorable as fuck. And most times – it really is.
For your sake and for theirs, Imma draw a line really quick
This is happening.
Because there’s a necessary border between “I like your face.” And “Loonesville.”
Scrap books? I like it.
Well thought out date night? You romantic sonofabitch.
A blown up picture of your face captioned creepily like:
If you’ve already in the making of one the project…I’d reconsider. And if not, he might be reconsidering real soon.
8. Get all crafty
Martha Stewart called. And she wants her CLASS (and taxes) BACK.
That’s right. You’re on a budget. But that doesn’t mean shit. WHY? Because you’re a crafty mother trucker whose homemade gifts will be unique as shit. Can’t be replicated. And delightful as fuck.
Some ideas include:
Rubs of the states BBQ set
See how to get these crafty motherfuckers here.
Because I sure as hell couldn’t tell you how to do it.
9. Gag gift
So if you think romance and sentiment is dumb. Then that’s kind of sad. And you should eat a bagel.
But I get it.
Some gag gifts are a good placeholder if you’re in that “oh shit. We’ve been dating for like…3 days. What in the hell am I supposed to get this person.”
Or like “I think I like you but I’m gonna show you how funny I am first by getting you this hilarious gift”
Or “Got stuck at the weird corner in urban outfitters with all the strange shit and impulse bought this for you. Sorry.”
Or maybe even for super important people that feel the side effects of your growing maturity.
(I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t buy my mom this for x-mas last year)
Other great gag gifts include:
This Hillary Clinton nutcracker:
This desktop drum set:
These ninja cookie cutters:
Get these and other weirdo gifts here.
10. Get classy
With a class.
This gift is timeless. Until Thursday at 7pm at least. #expired. Book him a day on his calendar and sign him up for something worthwhile and awesome. Like.
Or better yet – Shark-diving.
11. Pimp his ride
Guys like 2 things: Calzones and cars.
Take a hard right in your local hometown and skip the fuck into the neighborhood radio shack for some crazy car widgets that will make him feel like a high roller from point A to point B.
12. A manly travel bag
There IS such a thing as a manly looking travel bag. These things are functional as shit.
Laptops? – IN THE BAG
Wallet? – IN THE BAG
Work documents? – IN.THE.BAG
Gossip magazine he doesn’t want the public to see – IN THE FUCKIN BAG.
The perfect pair to his tie, button down, and potentially new watch.
My friend Mariah Carey gave me this speech once about how I was all she really needed for the Christmas.
And seeing as her wish as been exactly the same since 1994. I highly recommend this low-budge confidence boosting option.