November 15th 2013

 Breakups blow.

 Whether you’re doing the damn thing:

Yeah let’s not.

Or taking it to the damn face.

Things I didn’t see coming = This.

Thing is.

Sometimes shit just doesn’t work out.

And usually it’s for the best.

Because.

You deserve better.

You want more.

No sparks.

They ran away with someone else.

Nice upgrade.

But.

 I’m a firm believer in bowing out gracefully.

 But some people just straight up aren’t.

Fuck you for loving me Ted!

Which is why we created a list.

For those people.

And the people who are secretly amused by them.

People like me.

And people like you.

Because these clever assholes might not have the best track records for bouncing.

  But by god are they funny.

 Charlie, Tucker, Tanner, Bentley & Olive Present:

12 Terribly Awesome Ways To Breakup With Someone

  1. Doodle demo

Good talk.

2. Tell soon-to-be ex you have purchased anniversary tickets for a trip to Africa.

Take said ex to the airport. Drop off planned ex. Escort future ex to plane. Tell them brb. Text them you only bought one ticket.

And it’s one way.

And it’s for them.

Wave like so from the outside of the aircraft:

3. Propose. But Not Really.

Thank god Jennifer restocked their sharpie supply the other day.

4. Bake A Passive Aggressive Cake

So bittersweet.

5.  Surprise celebration.

“Happy Anniversary Honey.”

 

“It’s not our anniversary.”

 

“Actually, one year from now will be the one year anniversary of our breakup. Surprise!”

 

“Think I’m gonna shave my head.”

6. Suggest they move left.

Dance instructions not included.

7. Good old-fashioned post it

8. Straight Up Anthrax

 Do a classic pantry switcharoo.

But.

Be prepared for inquiry:

“Hey why do these powdered donuts taste like ass?”

And you’re just like:

“How dare you ask me if I traded out the powdered sugar for poison…”

9. Singing telegram

Worth the $89.99 (plus tax)

10. Mock up a thorough and unneccessary list of explanations for a high-quality confidence blow

11. This:

12. Provide a list of complimentary list of reasons why “being single is great”

 

Yes.