November 15th 2013
Whether you’re doing the damn thing:
Or taking it to the damn face.
Sometimes shit just doesn’t work out.
And usually it’s for the best.
You deserve better.
You want more.
They ran away with someone else.
I’m a firm believer in bowing out gracefully.
But some people just straight up aren’t.
Which is why we created a list.
For those people.
And the people who are secretly amused by them.
People like me.
And people like you.
Because these clever assholes might not have the best track records for bouncing.
But by god are they funny.
12 Terribly Awesome Ways To Breakup With Someone
1. Doodle demo
2. Tell soon-to-be ex you have purchased anniversary tickets for a trip to Africa.
Take said ex to the airport. Drop off planned ex. Escort future ex to plane. Tell them brb. Text them you only bought one ticket.
And it’s one way.
And it’s for them.
Wave like so from the outside of the aircraft:
3. Propose. But Not Really.
4. Bake A Passive Aggressive Cake
5. Surprise celebration.
6. Suggest they move left.
7. Good old-fashioned post it
8. Straight Up Anthrax
Do a classic pantry switcharoo.
Be prepared for inquiry:
And you’re just like:
“How dare you ask me if I traded out the powdered sugar for poison…”
9. Singing telegram
10. Mock up a thorough and unneccessary list of explanations for a high-quality confidence blow
12. Provide a list of complimentary list of reasons why “being single is great”