June 20th 2013
There you are.
Doing this casual shenanigan where you’re chatting with another human existence. And shits going pretty awesomely mediocre
It’s relatively interesting, but involving very little brain mojo. Like when you’re talking about cats or relaying general trust issues towards jello.
When ALL OF A SUDDEN, this casual asshole drops SUCH a vague comment, baked and wired with a backhanded insult that you don’t know WTF TO DO or WTF TO SAY. Comments such as “Oh you look tired.” or “New haircut? Nice…” or “No worries, you’re better off without him. No one liked him anyway.” Cuing you to make an ambiguous face that attempts to shield your anger like this:
I realized that this shiza started happening to me a lot.
Like when I got a new dress and my co worker was like “Oh I see you got a new dress!” And I was all like
and she was like
And I was all like:
And she walked the fuck away.
Like a normal human being, instead of channeling my ambiguous frustrations towards these vague and assholey comments, I rather started a collection from a few of my friends. Of the shit that’s been said to them, or they’ve overheard said to others. And how maybe. JUST MAYBE. We’re not the only damn ones that stare down our local chat mates “Samuel L. Jackson” style. And for anyone who gives these “compliments” out on the reg? Go WIPE YOURSELF with something hard and sand papery!!!
And then subscribe to my blog. Because I mean you’re already here…so…
13 Overheard/Inflicted Compliments That Really Suck
1. “Wow! What a cute little boy you have there! Look at his chubby little face and beefy beefy arms! This little punk is gonna grow up to be a big ol’ football player FOR SURE…..HAHAHA what’s that?…..Ah it’s…a girl?…Hmm…I’m just gonna… I’m gonna just…”
So cheers! To all the dick bags that have ever said this insensitive, rude, RUDE SHIT.
…And my b for the times that dick bag might have been me. It really wasn’t intentional. Just sometimes when I take a fireball shot…or mass eat guacamole I find my self-control to be like…not there.
But we’re cool, right? I mean I respect anyone who follows the blog of a total douche bag.
Which means, I respect YOU.