11 Ways To Ensure Your Summer Is Ridiculously Complete

July 13th 2015
Let me guess.
Like me.
You’re breaching summer with a bunch of getaways ready to check off your, a fresh pair of purchased jorts at your disposal and an intense desire to jet ski:


Just as a recap.

Just as a recap.




Sunny escapes aren’t the only milestones to mark when warmer weather calls for more.


Because sometimes.


It’s the smallermore discreet details that make this lackadaisical time of the year that much more enjoyable.


And for that.


Tanner and I want to make sure you can experience your summer-like ways with ample satisfaction.




11 Ways To Ensure Your Summer Is Ridiculously Complete
1. Be Late For Work…5 Times A Week.


Let’s be honest.


The physical act of getting up and doing professional shit.


Is a hassle and a half.
He gets it.

He gets it.


Snooze buttons are involved. Denial is involved. And more often than not, lying is too:



There’s something fantastically forgiving about the summer time that adds a little leniency and self-decided approval for your tardy, tardy ways.

People are more relaxed. Care less. And without a doubt.


Are fricken late too.




Hit that snooze button.


Take your time.


Enjoy that breakfast sandwich.


To the face.

Get it.


And then, and only then. Scurry off and do the damn thing:

You can do it, Kevin!

Go get ’em, Kevin!



2. Make A Damn Discovery.


Thing is.


Warm weather makes strolling a breeze.


So why not go the extra mile, and discover something in the process?


Walk to that farther restaurant you’ve always wanted to try.
Worth it.

Worth it.


Drive a little more to get to that park or beach that is otherwise/temperature-wise off limits most days out of the year.
What he said.

What he said.


Bottoms up.

Well done.


It's true.

^ I mean, she’s not wrong.


And right after that:

3. Impulse Purchase Something You’ll Easily Never Wear Again.


That drunk Amazon purchase?



That fleeting hair accessory trend that 2 weeks later some Kardashian sister decided it wasn’t cool anymore and you’re just sitting over there like:

Call me.

I’ve made a huge mistake.


Or that patterned sweat band you swore would double as part of your costume for Halloween:

"One look?!? I DON'T THINK SO."

“One look?!? One LOOK?! I DON’T THINK SO.”


4. Have One Weekend You Hope Never Ends.


Whether you’re out of the country, on a different coast or never left your apartment.


I hope that at the VERY minimum


You have one weekend that is so fun, fulfilling and pleasant that you lose track of time whilst simultaneously squeezing every second out of it because everything from the food, to the company to the setting is the epitome of worth it.

Cue the happy dance.



5. Lose Your Favorite Pair Of Sunglasses.


Summer is a black hole for lost sunglasses.




May we all suffer this loss for a damn good reason.


Here’s to hoping there’s a day you dance so hard they fall off.


Lent them to a rogue stranger.



And were so distracted, occupied and satisfied with good times, you didn’t even realize one of your prized possessions was gone.
They won't be back.

They won’t be back.



6. Come To Terms With Taylor Swift…Again.


Admit it.


The girl’s got some catchy, catchy beats.


All umbrellaed under the theme:


One of my favorites.



And even though we may spend January-June convincing ourselves “she’s just alright.”


There’s a 400% chance either you, or someone near you, is crossing their fingers in hopes one of her beats will drop at any fricken time.




You don’t really have a choice.


As every bodega and gas station will put her 2,253 tracks on repeat anyway.




Because this kind of shit is going to happen with or without your consent:
Taylor Swift don't give a fuck.

Taylor Swift don’t give a fuck.


7. Make Extreme Assumptions Via Snap Chat.


The snap chat rules for summer are simple:


A. Always assume that someone wants to see a full-length video of the shaky, blurry concert footage of whatever show you’re at. Their sound may not be on. But. You also don’t give a shit. Because it was a damn good time. And now everyone knows about it.


B. Drinking any sort of alcoholic beverage? Does it come with an umbrella? SNAP IT UP.


Assume everyone wants in on that snippet of knowledge because if you don’t snap chat that you got obliterated with fruity fresh cocktails. Did it really happen?
nope cat
C. Photograph food.




Be sure to always include a caption like “Nom Nom” or “Diet start tomorrow” or “Sunday Funday”


People are waiting for that shit.


And you shouldn’t keep people waiting.



8. Get Day Drunk. Make Extensive Evening Plans. Do None Of Them.


9. Learn All The Words To A Rap Song. Talk Yourself Up Karaoke. Fail Epically On Stage. Blame The Alcohol.


10. Make Outrageous Summer Fitness Goals. Never Join A Gym. Eat Only Donuts and Hotdogs until October.



And finally.
12.  Say yes.


(With discretion…of course.)


But generally speaking.


Say yes to a dinner invite.


Extra concert ticket.


Housewarming party.



Why not.


Tis the season.


And the weather is on your side.


And who knows.


It might just be the perfect finishing touch to the successful summer of yours.
Not this.

…As long as it’s not this.